Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

To start this endeavor, let’s begin with a review of a film so disappointing that it’s hard to even put forth the effort to discuss it - 2007’s Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. It stars Marissa Tomei, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, and Albert Finney. If you’re counting, that’s 2 Academy Award winners, and 2 other nominees. It actually was named by the American Film Institute as one of 2007’s Ten Most Influential Films. Ebert called it “superb,” and gave it four stars. Given all of this, the question can be raised: How have I never heard of this thing? Well, the answer is simple … it’s DREADFUL!

BACKGROUND
As part of their big corporate restructuring, Blockbuster has closed at least 2 stores right by our house. At a “Going Out of Business” sale, I picked up something like 10 DVD’s for $1 each. Of course, the great films were long since picked over by the early birds, but there were still some things that seemed worthwhile. Seeing the cast and critical acclaim, I decided to take a flyer and spend a $1 on this one. Blockbuster clearly came out better on this deal!

THE RUNDOWN
The first thing the viewer sees is a title card with the old Irish saying from which the title is taken. My first thought was ... really? Was this necessary? Who are the 14 people left on the planet who haven’t seen that saying at a bar or hanging on some little plaque somewhere? Seriously, we understand the title. It’s not that clever. Little did I know this would be the most well-written part of the script.

The film then takes a significant upswing, as there’s a rather “frisky” scene between a topless Tomei and Hoffman. True, you’re getting a lot of mostly-naked Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and that’s not good for anybody. Still, though, things seemed promising. Alas, this was the last time I cared about anything on screen.

Then … that’s about it. There’s a ridiculous plot about some slimeball brothers who try to rob their parents’ jewelry store. It’s edited so that it skips back and forth in time, so you have to fight through that. Hoffman's character is a prick who does cocaine and heroine in his free time, although we aren't sure why. Hawke is his loser brother who can’t pull together enough money to pay his child support. Tomei is … well, I’m not sure what we're supposed to think of her. That lack of certainty, by the way, is the calling card of this film. Motivations, insight, anything approaching a realistic personality … these are the things that were deemed unnecessary. Hoffman's man-boobs ... let's get plenty of those!

THE GOOD PARTS
Marissa Tomei always looks good, so there’s that.

Seriously, though … there was some really good acting in this mess, I guess. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is incredibly convincing as a conflicted, narcissistic jackass. Ethan Hawke is great in portraying the struggling loser who’s just trying to do what he can, but can’t do anything right. Albert Finney is always a commanding presence.
The individual greatness of the performers is too strong to be completely disguised. If these performances were isolated or scenes somewhere else, maybe they would work.

THE CRAP PARTS
The problem is, the whole is MUCH weaker than the sum of its parts. Somebody just took a bunch of good actors, threw them together, and then went to Applebee's for a Pomegranate Margarita. Do scenes need to be united by a cogent plot? Nah! What about a narrative that makes sense, or is at least relatable? Nope. How about the slightest reason to care about these people? No thanks ... too much work!

As I mentioned earlier, you also have to fight through the editing. Not that long ago, filmmakers would occasionally use nonlinear timelines to augment the narrative. In Memento, it helps give you the same sensation of constant confusion as Leonard experiences. Tarrantino uses it all the time to bring a whodunit feel to what are essentially straight-forward action flicks. Even Lost went back and forth in time to great effect.

Narrative device, however, is not a substitute for narrative! Remember how M. Night thought that The Sixth Sense was great because of the twist ending instead of just understanding that he had made a fantastic ghost story. Now every M. Night movie is supposed to have some contrived ending, and 98% of the movie is irrelevant.

Memento, Annie Hall, Kill Bill, Lost ... those stories are really great no matter how they're told. The nonlinear storytelling just augments what's there. I feel like the makers of Before the Devil realized they had a big sack of nothing, and decided to hide it with jump cuts and confusing editing.

FINAL JUDGEMENT
AWFUL! It’s an artsy, character film that has zero characters. That is to say, I guess it was a character study ... the writing is so weak that I have no idea what the point was for any of it. They didn’t even bother to create ONE character that could elicit one emotion - love, hate, anything - from the audience.

So why the critical praise? Uber-artistic but-kissing, that’s why! It just feels like an artsy movie, with all of these supposed "deep" emotions and “real” people. When you make a movie like that, and then fill it with A-list stars, critics eat it up. Look at the praise for Magnolia – then go watch that piece of crap and tell me how it was released to the public without some sort of public health warning.

Often, movie critics are like NBA refs. True, they try their best to be impartial, but they’re only human. While a ref can get swayed by the home crowd, the majority of critics will follow the torrent of opinion, regardless of how wrong that opinion may be.

Here's a better analogy ... it's The Emperor's New Clothes. No smart, sophisticated critic wants to be the guy who didn't understand the smart, edgy movie, so they decide they better love it or else be found out as a brainless hack.

Or maybe I was just in a bad mood when I saw this. Who knows?

My final judgment – AVOID THIS LIKE THE PLAGUE.

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Just a couple of announcements before we close this out.

First of all, I’m going to post every other week until I get back into writing regularly, or until I get considerably better at this. Let's go with Sundays as my deadline.

Also, if you have anything in particular you’d like to see reviewed on the site, shoot me an e-mail at TheLowestExpectations@gmail.com. I’m bound to run out of ideas almost immediately, so keep ‘em coming.